I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
