Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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