i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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