When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
