He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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