im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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