Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
