Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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