Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
