I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize