she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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