wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
