Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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