So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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