even my farts smell like vagina
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
