After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
