it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
