is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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