I just cut my nipple shaving
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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