Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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