Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
