Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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