You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i will never coherently bang her
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
