I can tuck mytits in my pants
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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