what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
