u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
