I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
