Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
