The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
