you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
