and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
