He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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