been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize