I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
