So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
