ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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