This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
