i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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