Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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