So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
