Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
