You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
