Banned from zoo.
Again?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
