No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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