We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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