u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
