Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
