ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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