Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
