Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
