i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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