Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
