do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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