Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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