So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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