And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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