My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
