The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
3 2 1 whiskey
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
