wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
