He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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