So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
