I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
