i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
