I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
