Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
