life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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