haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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