Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I just sharted jello shots
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
