I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
