like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
