You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
