I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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