If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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