i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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