It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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