yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
