i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
