All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
