Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
