I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize