roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
