dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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