we're blogging at a bar
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
