Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
