He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We just shotgunned beers for America
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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