Sponge bath it is.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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