I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he shaved USA in his pubs
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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