i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
