Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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