Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
