i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
