4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
