I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
