what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
