Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
