Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
