a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize