Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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