i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
