There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
