Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
