oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
