Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
