If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
